Denial

I can’t deny denial, although the nature of denial is to deny. If I would let her have her way she would deny everything, even her own existence. She is a cunning one; she is a master of trickery and skillfully plays with mirrors and veils.

So who is she, what is her purpose?
Denial is my ego’s over protective mother, trying to shield ego from painful sights and harmful thoughts. Her purpose is to keep my ones so carefully constructed ego intact. She came into existence when I needed a security blanket, a place to hide in times when the world became too scary and confusing. Over the years I’ve learned to recognize her as the uncomfortable feeling of being smothered, as an allergic reaction to her injustice towards my authentic self.

I must admit she still comes in handy when I need some time to think. But I try to shed her veil as soon as possible however painful that might be; although her injustice is always more painful than the naked truth about myself.

I do wonder will I always feel her presence, or is she cunning enough to hide even from the mirror?

I wonder is my allergic reaction towards others, when they are in obvious denial, not just recognition of a denial within me?