Reminiscing

Strange things memories are, they are neither real nor unreal, they are neither here and now, nor are they there and then, they can stir up long lost feelings and provoke the strange chain reactions. The can be awakened by a smell, a sound, a site, a single word, a touch, a taste or a smile. They can be conjured up willfully or pop up unexpected.

Recently I was looking for a comfy chair and came across a picture of a friendly face I didn’t felt I’d recognize, but the smile that curled in the corner of its mouth turned into the sound of laughter in my head. I knew that laugh instantly and sure enough I knew the person behind the friendly face from a lifetime ago.

Pictures, emotions and knowledge all came flooding in, all trying to be first, trying to be recognized, trying to complete the story behind the smile that curled in the corner of its mouth, all with a color of their own, none of them complete by themselves. Like pieces of a jig-saw puzzle.

How easy it is to be swept away by one of those pieces, to cling on to any of those and not complete the puzzle.
How unlikely is it that the smile that curled in the corner of his mouth has the same memories or that it has a picture of what the completed puzzle should look like.

Events may be shared, time may be spent together, situations may be lived through simultaneously, but memories are hardly ever the same. Different value is places on the same event, the same time, the same situation and rightly so.

But now, here I am, and instead of finding a chair I found this memory, this smile and this unexpected longing. Being without a chair I sat down on my kitchen table and wondered about this longing. Was I longing to hear the sound of laughter from the friendly face for real again, was I longing to see the friendly face here and now, was it a longing for a single word of recognition, a touch maybe or was I longing to be back there and then. I sat on that kitchen table long enough for my bum to get sore and find the answer.

My longing is to find all the pieces of the puzzle, complete it, see it for what it really is to me and give it its unique and well deserved value. So I’ll be clearing my kitchen table for now and start puzzling.

I’m still looking for a comfy chair.